i've been here. i've been waiting.

after your father cheated
after his friend rubbed his hard-on onto your softness,

...your token truster who alone can save you.
your lover.
i have loved you before, but until now you have not noticed.

as u realized that someone else never loved you,
so too have i realized that you don't know that someone else could.

The five years you lost from your life,
have become my five years of burden to bear,
five years of insecurity to endure
of doubt, of you not believing in me,
of you denying me in the women i chose to love.

You were the face i loved behind the mask of my exes.
your tears suit my thirst,
and your pain clothes my nakedness.

Maybe in the 5th year, with your first real love,
you would be kissed and know what trust tastes like,
what trusting lips kiss like,
what sex was made for,
empowerment and not power.

When he married your greatest fear,
i was always there
standing quiet, concerned in the corner,
but you would never reach out far enough to find me...

swollen eyes on the bench...
and on the beach i said hello, i shook your hand.
i told you it was a pleasure to meet you.
i said nothing more.
but nothing i said was a lie.

here you are sitting shaking your right leg,
hands akimbo
fingers tracking your sinus flowing wild.

since the day you stopped praying,
since the day you began to hate,
your suicide began,
and God has been begging you to remember that there is nothing you cant bear.

your esteem was low
my hands were over your head outstretched
i was hanging from a helicopter of concern
stretched across the choppy waves of your sob ocean

u cried help.

i answered.
i answered many times.

my answer was not a calling horn,
it was not a sign in the clouds.
it was not lightning,
it was not thunder.

it was the very air that filled your lungs till i arrived drenched in your tears...
coptor hanging, and waiting for you.